Honestly speaking.......

Its about 2am now and I am sitting opposite a 58 year old who was ill, well on the way to get better, then unfortunately on my call, he took a turn for the worse. His blood pressure dropped, needing powerful vasopressors and his kidneys shut down for a second time.

I just told his family he was on the road to recovery prior to that.To say I was embarrassed is putting it mildly.

There is this so called rule in ICU. You are never supposed to give patients relative any glimmer of hope that their loved ones will ever get better. In case they dont, then to relatives wont jump on you. We and our silly precious asses we are so bent on protecting.

Like many things in my life, I do this differently. I tell them that their relative/loved is ill but whenever I think so, I tell them he has every hope and chance of getting better. The truth and nothing but the truth. If he is a no hoper, I tell them so. If there is a small chance he will get better, I tell them so.

Many times, many times I have been wrong. 'Your dad is dangerously ill, but with our interventions he has a fair chance of getting better' or 'Your dad has certainly improved and I think he is going to be OK'.

I dont know much yet, but I need to commit. And using what little knowledge I have I will commit when pressed for information.

Like today, I have often been met with 'Didnt you just say....." or 'what went wrong.." sometimes meaning 'what did you do wrong...'

I dont really care. I said it and I meant it now they are upset and I dont blame them. Sometimes things happen.

I just hope and I become I will have a bit more right than wrong most of the time. But I hope I wont change