BAD CALL

I cant believe a pregnant mother died in front of me. When I look back, there were a few more things I could have done in a better way. I knew things were going to turn bad for her before anyone had a clue. I couldn't word it, I couldn't point anything abnormal out and she was so fine. She looked okay in every one's eyes but mine. This doesn't make me feel gifted or clever in anyway. On the contrary, I am kicking myself. I choose to ignore my instinct and rather than watch over her like a hawk. I told myself its just some silly paranoia. If I had listened to my instinct, will things have turned out differently? I will never know. Was she medically salvageable? No one will ever find out.
The worse part is that I am no amateur in sensing danger. I have repeatedly done it. I can literally smell trouble. Sounds even more silly when I ignored my intuition ,doesn't it?
Our brain is capable of many weird and wonderful things we are only beginning to understand. Everybody has some degree of intuition. Even cows and goats can sense when they are going to be slaughtered. Practically every woman who was a victim of a sexual crime will tell you that she felt hunted the whole day. Good cops can sense when their quarry is near. Likewise for the crooks!
What happens when we repeatedly ignore our intuition, instinct, sixth sense or whatever we call it? The same things that happens when don't use a muscle. It will inevitably atrophy.

On another note, I learned how much I am capable of. Despite my inner turmoil, I somehow managed to work as usual after the tragedy. When I am a specialist, if such an incident happens to one of my medical officers, I will make sure he/she gets off duty straight away. Its common sense. In any other place, that is standard protocol. As I mentioned before, I am working in a special place with lots of fun, excitement and challenges. The other thing that sort of kept my spirits up was the thought of my friends who sprung up from all over the hospital to help. Thanks guys.